Twenty-one years ago, I graduated seminary and was quickly called to my first ordained position – an Associate Pastor for Discipleship at a large, thriving, multicultural, urban church. I was excited and eager to pursue my vocation.
My first day on the job, I met with the Chair of the Discipleship Committee, let’s call him Bob. Bob was a beloved and respected gentleman who had led the same Sunday School for decades. He told me how he was concerned about the lack of Biblical literacy even among life-long members, the absence of a focus on discipleship in the church, and the perceived outdatedness of the term and format of Sunday School. This was a faithful man, eager to serve, and hopeful for change. And we were in alignment on issues and possibilities. At the end of our conversation, Bob said he needed to tell me something in the name of full transparency, “I don’t agree with the theology of women in pastoral leadership…but it’s not a dealbreaker for me.” I ended my day feeling a little deflated and bruised.
When my offense, sadness, anger, and frustration had waned, I pondered Bob’s closing statement. This was a good man with a heart for Jesus and proven gifts of ministry leadership. He was willing to go against his own convictions for the greater good of discipleship at the church he loved. He was kind and respectful – enough to be open and honest with me. I didn’t need to prove myself (I already had the job!) nor convince him of my theological convictions, after all, he had not done so to me. So, ultimately, I decided his stance was not a dealbreaker for me either.
For years, Bob and I worked well together. We sought to sow seeds and plant trees that I hope are still bearing fruit today. When I had my first baby, it was Bob’s wife who held her during a worship service so that I could lead and serve Communion. They came forward as a couple, holding my newborn daughter, and received the bread and wine from my hands. It was a moment I will never forget.
I worry that in today’s church – as in today’s culture – everything is a dealbreaker. It seems that too often, unless we agree on everything, we decide we cannot agree on anything, and so we refuse to work together for any greater good – even for/with/in Christ. We use terms like “big tent” or “purple church” or “low walls” or “deep wells” – we quote texts about loving neighbor and welcoming the stranger and forgiving others – yet we still too easily and often label each other as “left” or “right,” “liberal” or “conservative,” “ally” or “enemy.” Surely humans made in the image of God – and people of faith who confess to needing redemption and transformation – are far too complex for such all-encompassing tribal terms.
There are, of course, true dealbreakers in life and in the church – lines we cannot cross, beliefs and behaviors we cannot tolerate, injustices we cannot ignore. There is no need to label such things on a theological or political spectrum. They are wrong.
But where and when can we hold our convictions strongly…yet with humility and love and an olive branch? Where can we “beat our swords into plowshares and our spears into pruning hooks.” (Micah 4:3) Where can we say, I completely differ with you on this, but we share a faith, a call, and a passion and so can collaborate on that? Where can we say, I don’t agree with you…but it’s not a dealbreaker for me?
Discussion Prompts:
- When have you said, “I don’t agree with you…but it’s not a dealbreaker for me” – seeing beyond an opinion or conviction on an issue – and been grateful that you did?
- What issues in your community could people and organizations come together to address – building a coalition across differences?
- Have you or your church ever been unfairly “labeled”? Have you witnessed others being quickly categorized and dismissed? And where may you have reduced people or communities to one issue or stance?
- Where have you seen unlikely partnerships develop in order to work together for a greater good? What can we learn from their example?
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