Each and every day, pastors make myriad choices. We choose where we spend our time. We choose who to pay attention to in pastoral care, and who to avoid. We choose what to focus on in our preaching and teaching, and what not to talk about. We choose what administrative issues to deal with, and what to procrastinate about. We choose how much time we stay focused on our work, and how much we give to those who love us outside of ministry.
Amid all those choices, it can feel like we don’t have much agency, as many of them are made for us. In fact, we may have even less agency than we think. Why? Because our families of origin and the emotional processes they gave us shape even how we approach these choices. They shape what we choose to address and what we avoid. They inform the people we’re drawn to and those who we run from. They whisper to us what issues to engage and which to evade. Sibling relationships, or lack thereof, how we were parented, how we were loved or not, how anger was expressed in our families, the roles we played as jesters or peacemakers or standard bearers or drama llamas—all shape every choice we make.
This means we have even less agency than we think we do, for the emotional process that informs our subconscious mind is always working in ways we do not notice. However, by taking time to consider these realities, how they work on us every minute of every day, we may be able to gain some freedom from them, or at least the capacity to step back and operate from our frontal cortex, the place where conscious decisions are actually made. When we do this, we just might discover a little more freedom in making the choices we face every day.
The same is true for the systems/congregations we serve. As leaders, we play a role in a system that is more powerful than any individual within the system. Throughout the system’s history, scripts have been written for pastors and board members and every role in our congregations. The system is not as free to make its own choices as some may think it is. It’s really hard for systems to change, to try new things, to make new choices.
So, how do we live into greater agency among the myriad choices we make? A first step might be to take a step back from ourselves and explore our own families of origin, and how they shape who we are and what matters to us most. It’s also important to understand the history of the systems we serve, how they have functioned through the generations of ministry, however many they may be. Then, it’s important to understand what role you play in that system, how that role has been played in the generations before you, and how you might want to play that role in this present age. By so doing, perhaps you may discover a bit more freedom and agency amid the many choices you make every day.
Questions for Consideration:
- Are any of the issues I’m facing currently issues this system has dealt with throughout its history? What can I learn from how they were handled in the past?
- Looking back at my own family of origin, who ordained me? Not the governing body, but the person in my system who shaped my sense of self in a way that led me to pursue ministry? What can I learn about myself from that reality?
No Comments