There is always a cost to belonging, even when there is no membership fee to join. Every community, institution, and organization has their own ethos, expectations, and/or rules of engagement, which are often unstated yet can be as binding as the written rules. I went to Beyoncé’s Cowboy Carter concert last week and as a first timer I was surprised that the vast majority of the 30,000 people in attendance were dressed in western attire. It’s interesting because at no point in the process of purchasing tickets, securing a parking pass, and reviewing the venue’s website, did I see a policy or request stating that western attire was preferred or required. Even though there was no explicit attire policy, dressing up was one of the key factors to creating community. For a day, we all belonged to the “Bey Hive” (the name for her fans). While purchasing a ticket gave access to the performance, wearing western attire was the cost of belonging.
In Christian community, our values and expectations are espoused explicitly in Scripture when we talk about concepts like forgiveness. For example, Ephesians 4:23 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you”. This spiritual principle defines who we are as Christians, but what might the unwritten expectations be that lead to a sense of true belonging? Dr. Thema Bryant says, “What we often emphasize as society is forgiveness. What we rarely emphasize is accountability.” In other words, forgiveness grounds us in Christian community, but I wonder if accountability might be the cost of true belonging?
In the story of Esther, Mordecai challenges her to go to King Ahasuerus to plead for mercy on behalf of her people, the Jews, because Haman, the king’s official, has threatened genocide. Understandably, Esther is apprehensive because going to the king unbidden is punishable by death. However, as a Jew, Mordecai expects Esther to find a way. Her heritage makes her a Jew, but her sacrifice and courage renders true belonging, even though she lives in the palace and not among her community. Mordecai says, “Do not think that in the king’s palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. Who knows? Perhaps you have come to royal dignity for just such a time as this.” (Esther 4:13-14.)
These words are powerful and move Esther to action because they affirm that being a Jew is not enough; there is an expectation in the community that she will champion their cause with the king. Reminding her that she belongs to God and her people and that she has a responsibility beyond herself gives her strength. Accountability is hard but it builds trust and ensures we practice what we preach. As leaders, ensuring that we have communal practices of accountability helps others to trust our communities, organizations, and institutions, as well and to find places of true belonging.
Questions for Reflection:
- What do we lose by not acknowledging implicit expectations in our community, institution, or organization?
- How can we as leaders unearth the implicit expectations in our context?
- What do we have to gain by establishing practices of accountability?
- What are some of the costs of true belonging for you and your community?
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